Comic: THEM CATS in "Allowing"
Allowing is one of The Five A's of David Richo which are: Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing. These are all the things we need in good relationships.
THEM CATS in “Allowing”
Panel 1
Me Cat (Yellow Cat):
“Allow me to grieve.”
New Therapist Cat (Blue Cat):
“Granted!”
Panel 2
Me Cat:
“That’s all??”
Therapist Cat:
“Isn’t it enough to allow you to?”
Panel 3
Me Cat:
“Okay, back to my grief…”
Therapist Cat:
“Carry on…”
—FIN
Allow me to grieve…
This is my late therapist who died suddenly in a car crash. I had her for 9 years—it’s now around the same time I’ve had my therapist, Stevie.
Paolo is my new therapist.
Stevie is the orange Therapist Cat.
Paolo is the blue New Therapist Cat.
I haven’t thought of Ghost Therapist Cat. It makes me incredibly sad to think of the loss. My mom passed away July 2014. Marcia passed 2018. My older half sister who was like a mother to me passed in 2016.
I wrote poetry to handle the loss.
“Once Had, Then Lost”
2. “There You Are/Newborn Ancestors”
ROTW (Resource of the Week): David Richo
In memory of Marcia Iris Baum
Marcia Iris Baum was my therapist, mentor, and one of the people who I still miss because she changed the course of my life.
She introduced me to the work of David Richo* at a time when I was learning that relationships are tough.
Two things from his work have stayed with me for years: the Five A’s and his book How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving.
They’re deceptively simple, but I’ve found myself returning to them again and again whenever life, friendship, or love feels difficult.
*Pronounced “David RITCH-oh”
I mean, this is relational wisdom, right!?
Am I right?
She was proud of me: for the longest time, I was basically a Lesbian housewife. But she saw my trajectory. I saw her from 2009 to 2018.
When her associate texted me out of the blue, I fell to my knees:
“Hi, Tess. This is Cheryl, I’m Marcia’s associate of 30 plus years. Marcia won’t be in Friday, she was in an accident: I don’t have further information, but will keep you posted.”
I thought she pull through with the updates. But around 2:03 pm on August 18th, 2018, I got the call that she passed away.
They took her off life support.
I learned details of the accident. It was angering: the other car hit her head on and he crossed a double yellow line trying to go around a slow truck. He didn’t see her. Him and his girlfriend survived. Marcus didn’t.
I was upset about it for months.
People close to me allowed me to grieve. I recall telling my workmates at the airport my therapist had passed. My Scottish friend said, “What woood Marsha dew? She’d tell ya, ‘Go home, Tess.’” And so I did.
My friends were sad. Why? Because I’d imitate her Brooklyn accent! She was so funny. One time I had breast cancer, and I was upset I had to wait 2 weeks. So I tell her.
Marcia went, “Nah! Ya gonna get a quicker appointment. Ya gonna cawl now!”
So I did. It saved me anxiety. My late therapist taught me to take action.
I have internalized her to the point where I do ask myself, “What would Marcia do?” Well, she’d do the proactive thing, that’s for sure. She was a social worker.
The Five A’s of Mindful Loving
Attention — being fully present.
Acceptance — allowing people and ourselves to be who we are, not who we wish they were.
Appreciation — recognizing what is good before focusing on what is missing.
Affection — expressing warmth, care, and genuine connection.
Allowing — making room for life’s unfolding without trying to control every outcome.
Richo explores these ideas throughout How to Be an Adult in Relationships, but they’ve become more than concepts for me. They’ve become questions I return to:
Am I paying attention?
Can I practice acceptance without giving up my boundaries?
Have I expressed appreciation?
Am I allowing love to be expressed?
Am I allowing life to unfold instead of trying to force it?
I'm 55 now, and I realize these Five A's aren't something you master once. They're practices you return to throughout your life. Every relationship becomes another opportunity to begin again.
Healthy relationships are built not by finding the perfect partner, but by developing the emotional maturity to love well.
He describes these as ongoing practices rather than goals to achieve once because we are constantly growing, man.
Love vs. Attachment
Richo distinguishes between loving someone and being attached to getting our needs met in a particular way.
One question running through the book is:
Am I loving this person as they are, or am I trying to make them become who I need them to be?
The Shadow in Relationships
Influenced by Jungian psychology, Richo sees conflict as an opportunity to become conscious of our own patterns. Feelings such as jealousy, anger, fear, or abandonment aren’t failures—they’re invitations to explore what is being activated within us.
This dovetails nicely with my own observation that jealousy often arises when someone feels under-resourced or when a relationship has become unhealthy. Rather than condemning the feeling, the task is to understand what it’s protecting and decide how to respond.
Acceptance Is Not the Same as Endurance
One nuance people sometimes miss is that acceptance doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior.
Acceptance—like Radical Acceptance—means seeing reality clearly:
accepting who someone is,
accepting what they’re actually showing you,
and then making choices that honor your own well-being.
That distinction is important because it keeps “allowing” from becoming passivity.
Relationships as a Spiritual Practice
Richo views relationships as a place where we practice:
mindfulness,
compassion,
healthy boundaries,
forgiveness,
and self-awareness.
The goal isn’t a conflict-free relationship. It’s becoming more conscious in the midst of real relationships.
But let’s get messy: it wasn’t easy to read this book. It took me reading Human Becoming: Practical Steps to Self-Respect and Compassionate Relationships, first because he visits the 5 A’s here.
You can listen to “Affirmations of Letting Go of Fear” on his website too.
Tell me what you think of Richo in the comments please!
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VISUAL LIQUID MEGAZINE is a feminist-forward lifestyle, poetry, art, and photography publication dedicated to illuminating the work of the world’s most creative outliers.
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THEM CATS is live
THEMCATS.COM
THEM CATS—the therapeutic comic about two nameless, non-binary cats navigating therapy, emotional life, and mental wellness—now has a home of its own.
Visit: themcats.com
Disclaimer
THEM CATS is a work of fiction featuring nameless, non-binary cats navigating therapy and mental wellness themes.
Although the comic is inspired by therapeutic concepts and personal experiences, its characters, situations, therapists, and dramatic revelations are fictionalized for entertainment, creative reflection, and emotional recognition.
THEM CATS is not a substitute for professional mental health care, therapy, medical guidance, or veterinary advice. The cats are fine.
For personal mental health concerns, please consult a licensed clinician—preferably one who accepts your insurance and will not judge you for relating deeply to cartoon cats.
Such wise advice... Beautiful poetry and I am sorry for your loss... no matter how long it has been, the grieving seems to re-surface, huh?
Thinking of you today, Write on dear one, Diana