Comic: THEM CATS in “Stillness”
When your inner parts finally get quiet, what do you hear? IFS therapy via two cats talking to each other in comic form.
Can I say something?
I really grit my teeth and cringe when I hear the word, “clarity.” Maybe it’s all them years of working in marketing departments for Fortune 500 companies where words tend to recycle and words get overplayed. But, I do get decisive about what to do next when I am sitting thinking quietly to myself.
July 7, 2025 happens to be a cute anniversary date: It’s the date “H.T.” said “hi” to me on the dating app. I didn’t finish this comic until the next day, and I was still writing “My Girl, Part 1.”
When I did get quiet, I thought, “Boy, am I with a LOT of people, what’s wrong with me?”
Nothing.
I needed quality connections.
I told my sister—by the way, she became a subscriber because she told me she believes in me—that all the women I was dating, the one I was in an open relationship with, and then all the other attachments were not satisfying my heart.
Some connections felt draining.
It was as if my fridge was filled with Twinkies when all I really wanted was steak in my fridge.
So I cleaned out my “fridge”
I broke off a five month relationship.
I ceased talking to people in ways that hinted I was available.
I broke off casual sex altogether.
The very day I was still, I got clear. Then I made up my mind. That very minute someone said “hi” to me on the dating app, Feeld.
I didn’t expect much, I knew I wanted something new.
What happened in the stead? Something I can’t explain. Something that I don’t have answers to, but something I hold dear: an interaction with someone I don’t think I can go without.
It all happened because I was sitting still. I got quiet in my heart, and then, my heart spoke to me.
Therapy Concepts in THEM CATS
What’s this IFS?
You know how when you're trying to make a decision and it feels like there's a whole committee meeting happening in your head? Like, one voice is saying "DO IT!" while another's going "Are you INSANE?" and there's that one in the back mumbling about what your mom would think? Well, actually, my mom is dead.
That's not you being "crazy." That's just... human.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy says we've all got different "parts" inside us. Think of it like this: You're not one solid person—you're more like a really interesting party line chat where everyone has opinions.
In IFS we have The Manager (governs, overthinks), The Firefighter (reacts, goes into action), and The Exile (reclusive, withdrawing)
I learned about IFS when I took a 9 month therapy group that Dr. Tasha Oswald—someone who specializes in the neurodivergent clients—taught. I took notes.
I placed the cats here in class notes:
Drawing them was accessible to me. As a person with autism, I needed to externalize the concepts—things get so fused inside this brain of mine.
The Parts Show Up Everywhere
Take my dating life, for example—which I unpack a lot in therapy:
When I was sitting there with a "fridge full of Twinkies" instead of the "steak" I actually wanted, different parts of me were having very different conversations:
The Lonely Part: "Just keep dating everyone! Connection is connection!"
The People-Pleaser Part: "Don't hurt anyone's feelings by being too picky"
The Scared Part: "What if you end up breaking up, and you’re emotionally a wreck?"
The Wise Part: "This isn't feeding you."
All of them talking at once. No wonder I felt like I was "with a LOT of people" but still angsty.
Close Encounters of the Selfly Kind
In IFS, there's this thing called Self with a capital S. Not your ego. Not your mask or persona. Your super ego. Your actual core self—the part that's calm, curious, compassionate, and can see the bigger picture.
When I got still that day, I was creating space for my Self to hear what each part actually needed.
The Lonely Part wasn't wrong—I DID need connection. Just not the Close Encounters of the Twinkie kind.
The Scared Part wasn't being dramatic—being alone IS scary sometimes.
My Self could hear what they were ALL trying to tell me: You deserve nourishing love packed with power, not just any love.
The Antidote: A Sibling Vacay
When I feel that I’m not getting what I need out of love life, I turn to people who love me. My siblings, Kat & Drew.
We lost our parents. Mommy in 2014. Daddy in 2021. And, yes, we called them “Mommy” and “Daddy.”
I asked my dear fam in 2023 not to feel sorry for me when I left the love of my life. Suffice it to say, my lovable ex and I weren’t growing. I needed other things in the relationship to be a good person to them. I was. And, on many occasions, I wasn’t. The relationship taught me many things—adulting for one. Leaving it taught me to be more independent.
My sister, Kat, recently became a subscriber. I really appreciate her deep down. Go, you, Kat. I just extended her Yearly subscription to “Forever” (indefinitely) because she says she believes in me. And on second thought, I now just updated her to my Founding tier.
She gave me $100 for gas money to drive down here—she didn’t need to, but she did.
Almost every time I’m down in LA, my sister cuts my hair. She does a better job than most of my barbers. Thankfully, I finally found a good one in Oakland.
I’ve got a pair of Nike Air Forces sorta like my niece too.
Beyond my siblings, there are my friends, and close friends—I want to thank:
Lani - Who knows I’ve got RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) and offered to submit poetry since she also believes in my poetry on Tess McCarthy (The Morning Poems Podcast + Newsletter)
Nicole Lemieux - she’s just been a long-time friend of mine—and a fellow librarian. She’s a comfort.
There are others here who keep showing up. I want to thank:
Rosie B - To date, she’s given the “best comment ever,” and I hope to be continuously surprised by many.
Sunshine - Ever know a kind heart? That’s Sunshine.
Mr. Troy Ford - From the get go, Troy’s been supportive. The brief times we chatted, I feel as if we were friends in another gay life. I’m happy to know him in this one.
Nan Tepper - The minute I got to QStack, there was Nan. I happened upon on her Substack and was riveted. She’s connective, kind, and has got a wise mind. I am happy she shares it.
Ordinary Therapist - It’s nice to be “seen” (read?) from a person who actually plays the role of Therapist Cat.
By the by, my therapist, whom I call “The Therapist” or “Stevie” or “Mt. Cool” on Quora, validated me via text when I said, “Hey! An actual therapist even liked it.” To which she responded, “I bet it’s nice to be seen this way.” Hmm. This is why I don’t call her “my” therapist. They’re actually everyone’s therapist.
The Post Script
VISUAL LIQUID MEGAZINE is a feminist forward lifestyle & poetry/art/photography publication. Its mission is to elucidate the work of the world's most creative outliers. We celebrate rebels, renaissance women/femmes, BIPOC, Queer/LGBTQIA, disabled & aged creative forces
THEM CATS & THEMCATS.COM - The therapeutic comic about two nameless, non-binary cats in therapy sessions. Born from a strange dream in April 2020, these pointy-eared, fat-nosed cats transformed into the visual language millions didn't know they needed to process their deepest pain and healing. Until now.
The cats are out every Thursday at 6 a.m. PST in the THEM CATS section on Visual Liquid Megazine barring a Void Course of the Moon.
You deserve all the things, Tess, especially the "steak" - happy to call you a friend... 💙❤️💜
How am I not subscribed already??? I've remedied that egregious oversight. 😉